Mom-xiety: It's REAL

Definition: 

Mom-xiety is persistent worry and fear of all the things that your children can do, will do, and what they could possibly be exposed to.

I think I might have to coin this phrase, "Mom-xiety". 

When I first noticed it, I had just given birth to my now one and a half year old daughter. 

I thought 'this is post-par tum depression'. Then I discovered that not only was it post par tum depression, it was anxiety.

This hasn't been as easy to talk about with people outside of my everyday crowd, but I need to share this because I want others to know that this is REAL. Everyday I think about ways to avoid accidents, I think about all the things that could happen when I'm not around, and a host of other things. I even think of scenarios and I try to plan out what I would say or do.

I remember making a run to Walmart one afternoon and my S/O insisted on it being quick (I tend to shop for long periods of time) and that I could just stay in the car. Reluctantly, I did. He knows that I prefer to not shop alone and that being in the car alone, especially if my daughter is with me, is not ideal.

Anyway, I looked to my right and noticed there was a truck but no one was in it, so I thought 'it's fine, we're fine,' so I looked down at my phone and all of a sudden a guy walks by to get in the truck. 

In my mind he was going to try and get in my car and harm me or my daughter, so I grabbed the door and pulled on it. Then he started his car and drove away. As I have mentioned,

I knew I had anxiety, but in that moment I realized it was far worse than I thought. 

I get 'mom-xiety' even while my daughter is sleeping. I wake up sometimes to make sure she's still breathing. 

I have anxiety when I think about what she eats, who babysits, who she's going to be around, going to the store with her, or if I want her to go to public school. There are so many things that I want to try and keep her from, and it makes me anxious to think that I won't be able to.

I have shared my self-diagnoses of 'mom-xiety' with someone close to me and she told me not to 'claim it' or 'put it out into the universe' but I have to claim it. I have to acknowledge that I deal with this daily. I worry about something being wrong with my daughter or her doing something and I can't help the way I want to, I worry all the time. When she's sick and I don't know what's wrong, when I don't have the answers, I worry. 

I never wanted to see a therapist so when I found this platform, I started using it as a release. It's been very therapeutic for me. If you're wondering though, I did find a therapist -- hopefully I'll be seeing her very soon. 

Anxiety and depression should be handled with the utmost care. They should never be looked down on, but unfortunately sometimes that's not the case. I'm here to acknowledge that my emotional health needs some work. I hope that whoever reads this will be able to relate and get the help they need.

If you are or have experienced what I call 'mom-xiety' leave a comment below, or better yet, go get some help, please. This is a REAL thing. 

Thanks for reading.